How could I let that one go without a reply!

Camo pants dear G (natural fibre of course!). What else in the Stealthodore? You know I’m there and bugger the road book, bring out the MUM map! Only 130 days to go until Sept 22.
You are right to have no expectations though, look who you’ll be chauffeuring around, I’m not getting any younger you know and the eyesights not what it used to be.

Ah, memories of the Zed (all bow in reverence to the mighty beast).
Now there’s a goal, the Zed will most likely be there that night, beat the Zed, beat the Zed.
Not much of a challenge from what I’ve seen lately.

Come back are good, don’t worry I’ll stroke your ego, if it deserves it, and if not look out!
This is the Wombat after all and it’s about time we got a new story to tell around the campfire.

Well that was a load of disjointed waffle wasn’t it. G will understand it all and that’s all I care about!

Ciao
Tired.

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The Come back

Well another year and another come back.

The main reason that I actually don’t feel cynical about this attempt is that I’ve actually put together a budget and time line with a target event! Now all I need to complete is the appropriate begging to be allowed to the usual sources and I’m on my way.

So what needs doing on the car to have it ready? Well…….

Finish painting/trimming/assembling, rear wheel bearing seals replaced, fluid changes, repair exhausts, bigger radiator, lights (I sold mine ’cause I wasn’t gunna race again didn’t I), buy new tripmeter, brake master cylinder and hundreds of other things that will most likely be done in the hours leading up to the first event. Ah, the first event.

22nd September for the Begonia Rally held in THE finest forest in all of Victoria, The Wombat State Forest. Oh hear ye Angels sing………

Yes we still smile at the feats performed in The Zed all those years ago on a drizzly night during the Moonlight Meander when we wiped many a stage and blitzed more than a couple of big names. Those sweet moments of zen driving that left many a silent moment in the car as we stuck it into places where the car had no right to be only to come out the other side with 2 grinning idiots staring wide-eyed out the windscreen. Magic stuff.

So how do I rate our chances?

Basically I don’t. It’s been a lot of years between events and a while even since I’ve driven the car at all! Plus we’re just out to have a laugh, I’m older (hopefully wiser) and I’m not competing in any competition. Plus I think the Stealthadore is a wee bit below the standard of your current Rally car.

Of course the driver is still a legend but naturally you knew that eh gentle reader?

I guess that biggest issue is deciding whether to wear the driving suit or not? Might leave that up to the GM to decide

GH

Where’s ya Buchen ears??

Ah! It’s hard to beat the Australian bush and I reckon we saw some of the best of it during the weekend. The weather was just right, the company was delightful, BBQ was sizzling, the structure was erected and the roads were begging to be assaulted by The VRC crews

So it was when we found ourselves (were we lost??) at the intersection of Kenny’s Rd and Ironbark Rd in the Kenny’s State Forest. This is certainly one of the furthermost events I’ve travelled to and it’s at times like this when I’m out in the middle of such a remote forest miles from any major town that my thoughts turn to the early pioneers who forged their way through this country in the beginning of white settlement. I sit there in the silent darkness with my LED headlamp looking at a map of the area and imagine how isolated they must of felt without the benefits of motorised transport, electricity, GPS or mobile phones and it is then easy to see why these pioneers had the sense of humour to name landmarks with such hysterical names as Spanker Knob or Mount Little Dick! It gave Alyssa and I many moments of mirth with the combination of Spanker Rd, Monkey Creek, and Caster Oil Track providing plenty of material for our twisted minds.

But of course we were here to do an important job and that was to support The Great Man in his role as Stage Commander. It was a tough assignment but following the late night drive on Friday night after work we arrive at the lovely township of Bairnsdale where we spent the night at The Travellers Rest Motel. Breakfast in the morning and then after a drive up and down the main street to gather supplies we were ready to head to the forest.

Picking up the rest of the officials in Bruthen we made our way out to our stage which consisted of a section of road used twice (once each way) to form stages 4 and 7. Driving through the stage to the start point I have to say that I turned a very deep shade of envy green. The stage seemed to be bathed in a heavenly light and the sounds of an angelic choir filled my ears! What a piece of road! Smooth, fast, grippy, plenty of room to drive flamboyantly with a breeze moving the dust. Oh you lucky bastards I thought of the crews as I chugged along in formation with the other tortured souls that would be officiating on our stage.

Not even the new vehicle I was driving was cheering me up particularly, gone was the Silver Slug to be replaced by one of Ford’s new pride and joy – The Ford Ranger. Yep there I was driving along one of the finest rally roads I’ve been on in a while and what am I in? A 4 cylinder, 3 lt, turbo diesel automatic……………… Crap.

Setting up what was to be the start of stage 4 began and after 20 minutes we thought perhaps a dozen people was a bit of overkill to man a start control. So Peter “The Guru”, Val and Bob took off to look after the wooden bridges that would cause dramas later in the evening but not before The Guru had saved us from placing boards in all the wrong places. I still maintain that I’m a driver and it’s not my place to know these things!

However the start came and all the cars began to filter in for book in. Alyssa and I manned the start with myself taking the time books and nominating start times, Alyssa entering the information onto the time books and record sheet then back to me for the countdown/send off. Ok now I’m going to have a whinge about the attitude of 95% of the competing crews. Yes it’s been spoken of countless times and yes I know things are tense in the car and people are nervous, yes I know some people take it oh so seriously and yes I know some crews have spent large sums of money but would it kill them to offer up a genuine and personal thank you??

Now to continue with my rant, officials spend their own money, time and possibly risk the wrath of bored/ignored partners as they sit out in the forest for hours on end, sometimes without fires in freezing/wet conditions and only the food they hopefully were thoughtful enough to bring with them. Add to that the punishment their cars can take as they drive into some of the stages and the fact that it can at times be a stressful job (stressful for some more than others eh GM ; ) and the last thing you need is some clown in a rally car at best ignoring you or worst being verbally abused for giving the wrong time or some other earth shattering error!

NOTE TO ALL RALLY CREWS!!

Just because we’re out there in the forest doesn’t always mean we love it and that we’re having a ball! No we are NOT in awe of your car and no we’re NOT impressed that you just set the 17th fastest time. Just because the poor bugger handing you your card isn’t also standing there in a ridiculous looking driving suit (trust me, driving suits aren’t that flattering on middle aged men) doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be able to flog your time in your own car on the same stage! But regardless, respect us and be genuinely polite to us as we’re out there giving up our time, money and marriage credits just so you can be out in your ridiculous driving suit enjoying the finest sport in the world in the best country in the world.

Having said all that, a big thank you to the crews that thanked us for being out there. You know who you are……………….

Naturally the CCRMIT crews were wonderful although Al’s story regarding a tissue with a mystery substance in it was unsettling to say the least and Bernie’s pink driving suit was just plain scary.

Well stage 4 ran smoothly and we prepared to swap over to a finish control for stage 7. After the finishbeams pushed GM’s patience completely over the edge, they politely began working and we settled down to await the return of the cars. So we had our second serving of Rally Burgers and Rick broke out the chocolates as we all enjoyed the glowing warmth of the fire bin.

The cars began arriving with Dowel/Lee easily being the fastest crew as they arrived with their front brake discs glowing bright red. Some crews including Terry and Andrew claimed stage 7 as the best stage of the event and no one on either one of our stages failed to finish.

It was a successful day/night and even the wooden bridge losing some planks mid stage did nothing to take the shine on what was another brilliant CCRMIT run stage. All that was left was to pick up all the signs etc and begin the 4 hour long drive home to bed. Fun, fun, fun………………….